He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
