I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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