you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
