after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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