Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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