Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize