the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
