The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
