Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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