Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
