u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
