you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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