Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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