oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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