We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Randomize
