"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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