Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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