it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
