you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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