hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
