just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
