His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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