There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
