One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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