K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
