My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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