found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
