I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
