i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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