Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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