Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
