I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
