I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
