even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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