Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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