I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
