i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
