Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
