I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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