I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
