There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
