I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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