I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
