i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
