i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
