If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
