I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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