I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
