sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
