My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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