using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
