you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
