i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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