Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
