My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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