At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
