there's paper in my vomit.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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