whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
