I was born with a shot glass in my hand
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
