that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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