I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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