Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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