I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
