i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
