didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
