I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
her vagine was all disorganized.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Text me some of your sweat
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
