So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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