the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
