Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
